some things that helped when my dog was dying

welcome to my grief portal

May 01, 2025

i’ve had many experiences with trauma, medical systems, birth, and death in my work as a doula & somatic practitioner. my training and my clients have taught me so much about the things that help during these transformational moments—and even with all this knowledge, the death of my dog basil was still incredibly painful.

and (duh) of course it was. there is no tool, no modality, no magic fix for these very real moments of grief and loss. the ideas in this zine are some of the things that made the pain a little easier for me to hold.

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a portion of the proceeds from this month’s zine will go to @sulalaanimalrescue and the work they are doing to provide food & medical care to animals in gaza. even if you don’t want a copy of this month’s zine, please consider making a donation to them here!

i don’t normally write out the whole zine in newsletter, but this month i wanted to share all of it with you. i hope your animal companions never die, but in case they do here are some things that felt helpful for me—and i hope they feel supportive for you.

the things that helped:

beauty

before basil died we set up the space with candles, incense, music, quilts, and flowers. after she died we kept her body overnight with a candle burning near her, and in the morning placed flowers around her head, paws, and body. we wrapped her and transported her to the cremation facility in a simple white shroud. there is a lot of pain in those moments before and after her death, but i can also feel in my body the beauty, care, and intention that was present there too. having these beautiful images connected to her death helped me integrate the experience.

community

once we knew we were saying goodbye, we called the people who love us to let them know what was going on. our friends offered to bring food & flowers, sit with us before / during / after, keep the tea water hot, and care for our other pets. they also were able to bring some joy & laughter to the space, which is something my partner & i value but didn’t have easy access to when we were alone, deep in grief-land. it was comforting to be around other people and allow them to take care of us.

communication

working with an animal communicator before her death was invaluable for me. although basil was always a good communicator, this support helped clarify some of the questions and concerns we had going into the euthanasia and eased some of the fear that we were making the wrong decision. i know some people people are skeptical about this kind of support, but at the very least it is a dedicated hour of time where someone else is holding space for & witnessing the bond between you and your companion in a gentle & compassionate way.

somatics

when i couldn’t sleep i gave myself space to notice my body and started parsing out different sensations to make them a little more manageable. i noticed a headache, so i made a plan to drink more water and grab an ibuprofen. i noticed a grief-y stomach churning, so i asked myself if i could just notice it and be with it (i could), but made a plan to take anxiety meds if it started to get overwhelming or out of control. grief is SUCH an embodied experience and knowing how to track & name sensations didn’t make them go away, but helped me be not so afraid of what i was feeling.

honorable mentions

taking time off work
coming up with plans before it was urgent (and also being flexible with the plans)
permission to be sad
having a good therapist
having a vet i trusted
writing about it
anxiety medication
tools for getting to sleep
creating little altars everywhere
getting a memorial necklace made and printing photos of her